I saw a headline this morning that said “Internet Apocalypse to come with next solar storm.” I didn’t see the word internet when I glanced at the headline and my first thought upon learning that we are in for an apocalypse was that it seemed about right.
I saw this headline right before I dropped my daughter off at school. I arrived as they were shutting the door for parent drop off at the back of the building so I went around to the front.
When I arrived at the front I was told that I couldn’t drop her off there. So, naturally, I had to go fetch the helicopter and air drop her onto the roof. I was hoping for a little practice time before her first jump but she’s 13 so it was time to woman up.
As I drove away from the school a little perplexed, I thought it might be a nice time for an apocalypse.
The world is a dumpster fire and anyone interested in trying to put it out is standing on the outskirts with tiny hoses and poor water pressure.
I’m barely able to comprehend the world we live in these days and I’m 46 years old.
How’s everyone else doing? We all need to check in with each other and we need to check in with our kids.
They’re hyper aware of the world around them and still have undeveloped brains so I can’t imagine their feelings.
So I offer this prayer today….
Dear Sweet Baby Jesus in the manger,
I’m reading here that you will “come again.” It’s time. We’re not ok down here.
Have you ever had anyone ask you something that started with the phrase, “If you were me”?
That always makes me nervous. I don’t like pretending to be in someone else’s shoes. It’s uncomfortable. Half the time, I don’t know what I would have truly done in their situation and most of the time I’m sure that what works for me probably doesn’t work for others.
And yet…here I am asking you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. This post is going to be all over the place, and I’m sorry. If we have a difference of opinion on this topic, I hope you respect my right to think differently, as I respect yours.
I’m going to lose some friends today. And that’s something I’ve made peace with. There comes a point in your life when you can’t stay silent anymore. When staying silent equates to spewing hatred so if you don’t want be my friend after this I’m sorry but I can’t keep my mouth shut anymore.
At first I blamed my paranoia on The Handmaid’s Tale. I mean…how many episodes can one watch without starting to feel a little uneasy about the perilous state of human rights.
Then I watched with my own two eyes as the state of Texas built a time machine, went back in time and took the freedom of choice away from women.
I don’t feel like this is paranoia anymore. I know other states have heartbeat rules for abortion but, if I’m not mistaken, most of those states are facing actions which could invalidate those rules.
Not Texas.
They took away a woman’s right to choose whether or not she wants to be pregnant. The most personal choice a woman can make.
I just don’t understand.
So, if you were a rape victim who found out she was carrying the fetus of her attacker, would you carry that fetus to term even if meant sacrificing your own mental health to do so?
Let’s go one step further…imagine your daughter has come to you. She was raped. She is trying to move past it. Six weeks and one day after her brutal attack, she discovers she is pregnant.
Now imagine that she can’t function. She becomes depressed. She can’t bare to be in her own skin knowing that she is carrying the fetus of a monster inside of her.
Desperation grows until she decides the only way out is to end her own life. Do you say to her, “Sorry, sweetie. You’re out of time.” Would you sacrifice your child’s life to save the life of the unborn?
If you were them…what would you do? At 25 years old, I terminated a pregnancy. My first husband and I were trying to have a baby and I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant.
And then I knew something was wrong. I knew the baby wasn’t healthy. I could feel that something was off. So I went to the doctor and every other day for weeks upon weeks, I got my blood drawn to check my hormone levels.
It was almost 6 weeks after discovering I was pregnant that I was told I had to terminate the pregnancy or risk losing my reproductive organs. So I took the medicine to end my pregnancy.
The baby was never going to survive and if I hadn’t terminated, I would, at the very least, lose a Fallopian tube or an ovary, and, at the very worst, die.
Imagine a world where I wouldn’t have been allowed to do that. A world where I didn’t go on and have my two daughters. If you are telling me that a world without them in it would be better than having an abortion, then you can fuck off. You can fuck off from the top to the bottom. From the beginning to the end. From side to side and all around. Fuck all the way off.
I can hear the defense now…but they allow abortions for health reasons.
For now. For now they allow that. This is a slippery slope. They allow it for physical health reasons not for mental health.
It’s murder, says the religious right. We have to stop the murder. I am telling you right now, if you are hearing a voice that tells you to harass, threaten, scare and terrify those who are having to face this difficult decision, then it is not the voice of God that you are hearing.
That is the voice of the devil telling you it’s your job to judge.
We are not to judge others.
I can hear people screaming in anger that abortion should not be used as birth control. I agree. I agree 100%. I’m sure the majority of woman do.
Are there women who do use it as a form of birth control? Sure. That’s an unfortunate product of being given the right to chose.
A lot of people I know feel strongly about the right to bear arms. I’ve been told that it’s not the guns that kill people. It’s people that kill people. And yet they don’t want their gun rights taken away.
Tell me how the right to choose whether to be pregnant is any different. And yet that right has been taken away for those women in Texas. The ones who don’t find out until they are too far along.
The rape victims. The victims of incest. The other woman who for whatever reason don’t want to be pregnant. It’s not my job to judge them.
It’s our job as human beings to be kind to one another. To forgive others. I can’t understand the world anymore. I was raised to believe that Jesus wanted me to love everyone.
What you do for the least of my brothers, you do for me. When did that stop being true? We only tear each other down.
We name call and play the blame game. I am a Christian. I believe that Black Lives Matter, I believe in supporting those who protect us but not the ones who abuse that power. I am an ally to LGBTQ + community. I can be a Christian and be all of those things. That is what Jesus taught me. To love everyone. To leave the judgement to him.
I understood the assignment. I will not judge. I will not pretend to know what another woman is going through. I will not sit back and allow old, white men to tell me what to do with my body. They do not judge me.
So, let me end this by saying, I am done being quiet. If you have a problem with me now, so be it. I’m taking to the streets on October 4th.
And until then…get your fucking hands off my uterus.
A Girl and Her Goat 