When God calls….

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It’s been a long time.  I mean… a really long time. I think I might have forgotten how to write but I’m going to give it a shot.

The only reason I decided to post today was because….you guessed it….God called.  I felt the need to write. Maybe someone needs to hear what I have to say or, most likely, I need to keep what I’m thinking in a tangible place for reference.

See, God called me.  In fact, he called me for about six months and do you know what I did?  I hung up.  Can you imagine?  What if it had been God actually calling me on the phone? Would I have dared to hang up on him?  Absolutely not!  So, why would I ignore a consistent thought he put into my head every day for six months?

Well, to be honest, I didn’t believe it was His thought.  Why would God want me to quit a job where I spend my day helping children with special needs?  It made absolute zero sense to me.  I couldn’t comprehend why I was having these thoughts.  I blamed it on myself.  The self talk I was engaging in was awful.  I was telling myself I was lazy and a quitter.

I truly believed that it was my own negative thoughts telling me to leave as opposed to a divine thought from God. Can you guess what happened next? God needed to get my attention.  And he did it in a big way.  He made me so uncomfortable that I had no choice but to really listen to what I was being told.

I fought Him every step of the way, holding on to what I thought I was supposed to be doing, in order to do my will.  And then He put me in a position where I could no longer ignore Him.

He literally sent someone to push me. When you literally get pushed and punched out of your job, you finally listen to what is being said and accept it.  And, so I did.

The immediate relief I felt made no sense but I realized that I didn’t need it to.  I am to do what I believe He is calling me to do.  He led me to a place, several months ago, where I am blessed spiritually.  Maybe this is where I need to be right now.  Maybe it is time for me to choose to be fed spiritually instead of being starved.  Maybe God is telling me to be kind to myself.

So, I am.  It will not be easy. There are days I doubt my decision but then I sit still and listen.  It is always the same message I hear.  Sit in the pain for a little bit to get to walk in happiness later. I will struggle financially.  I will live with the image of 22 sad faces in my head.  There is nothing that can make you break down faster than a group of five year olds crying over your leaving.

At the end of the day, I believe that I need to go where I am being called.  It’s not for me to decide.  The only decision I know I must make is to stay on the phone when God is calling me.