Have you ever said something to someone, an off the cuff comment, and later wondered if you actually believed it? I did this the other day. I made a comment about love and later really began to think about whether I was speaking my truth or coming from an emotional place.
I have never been a fan of fairy tales. I never wanted my kids to watch Disney Princess movies. When my oldest was six, I took her to see the local high school’s production of Cinderella. When we left, I told her two things:
(1) Never kiss a boy when you don’t know their name.
(2) Everything you just saw was a lie.
A little harsh. I get it. It’s the way I feel…or felt. Jury is undecided.
But am I throwing the baby out with the bathwater? Am I dismissing the idea of a great, passionate, all consuming love? Am I teaching my girls that they should not be swept off of their feet by a man or woman, if they choose?
Love is not a fairy tale. Love is hard. Marriage is even harder. If you are lucky, you will love each other intensely. If you are lucky, you will fight with each other intensely. This has been a hard concept for me to understand.
I’ve always thought love should be really easy. No fuss. No mess. But when you think about it, what is the opposite of love? Guess what, it’s not hate. It’s indifference. Hate means you are still invested. Still care. When you stop feeling these things, it might be too late.
I’m certainly not advocating a life with someone who abuses you, emotionally or physically. I’m advocating for a life with someone who makes you feel things. Good things. Bad things. Just feel. Someone who makes you believe that the mad, passionate, all consuming love is out there.
So, don’t settle for mediocre in life. Really don’t settle for mediocre love. Love should be passionate and drive you crazy. Maybe it should be Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast. The end is just the beginning.
Cinderella might be sitting in her castle right now; pissed that her Prince didn’t put his dishes in the sink. But the next time she passes by the kitchen and sees them in there she probably gets the same rush she did when he put the slipper on her foot.
Beast might have gone out last night, had too much to drink, turned back into an animal and shed all over Belle’s yellow dress. But when he comes up behind her later to say he’s sorry, I bet they have the best make up sex ever.
Lesson of the day for my girls: Don’t settle for less than the person that makes the mundane moments of life something you look forward to with a passionate heart. Find the person you can talk to for hours, argue with for hours, make love to for hours.
It won’t be roses and wine for the majority of your lives together, but you should always want them to be the one carrying the rose between their teeth and uncorking the wine for you before you even ask.
So, I’m going to try and say goodbye to my cynical definition of love. Try to embrace my new definition and teach my children it’s all right to want crazy, mad and passionate.